30 married, mother of two

Well it's here, the day I have been anticipating my whole life-I think I may be an adult now. I am amazed that the title of my blog I chose 6 years ago still is so apt. The past year has brought so many losses, some tragic and others welcome. It has brought much gain. I can't even begin to conceptualize how lucky and amazingly happy I am now. When my husband and I look at our beautiful children we have to just give up trying to understand how we made these amazing creatures. I am still myself, but so much more than I used to be. I feel I am finally coming into my full self. I am more motivated, organized, patient, dedicated, and full of love than I ever thought possible. This is the change that motherhood has enacted upon me in just 6 weeks, I can't imagine what the next year and beyond will bring. I can't wait to find out. Moving forward I know there will be pain and frustration, but I feel armed against it. Malcolm and Lucy and my husband are a family. A family I helped create and will shape in the future, it is my true career. I finally found my place, and I can see the way ahead. It only took 30 years.

Hello 2010!

I have been concentrating so hard on being Pregnant I forgot about my poor little blog! Well here we are 36 weeks and 2 days along, still gestating. This is pretty far for Twins! People keep telling me that I am doing a great job, I don't really understand this I have just been truckin' along.
My last day of work was yesterday. I thought that I would be elated, but it was a little more mixed. I have worked since I was 18 years old, mostly in retail management. I have always wanted to be a homemaker, I really feel like I could do a good job at it. Now that it is here, I am scared and excited.

I am going to take it easy until the babies come, I do have a few projects in mind, though. With all this time I should be able to update this thing more! That is until the babes actually come.

What is on the docket for today?

Finishing more Thank you notes, we were so lucky to receive so many beautiful gifts, I have been trying to slowly get through all the notes. I am also going to conquer the laundry situation here! It always makes me feel so much better when the clothes are all put away and clean. I will also try to catch some rays today too. It is so lovely here right now, not a cloud in the sky, in the 70's, basically heaven. I have to remember to not bite off more than I can chew! I am carrying around two (big and getting bigger) babies. I am just so excited to finally be doing things important to my family and feathering my nest!

14 weeks 5 days

Went to the regular baby doctor today. Saw those sweet little baby heads, and heard their hearts. Randall and I, after mucho grumbling on Randall's part, got our swine flu shots. We found out that their NT test came back normal so one hurdle down... Randall insists that I am developing a little tummy, but I still just look fat to me. So I will probably wait until it is a little more impressive before I post a pic, also the pictures from today's baby photo session were really blurry so two more weeks and we will have good pictures of Babies and Belly.

Symptoms!

~Heartburn-all the time, after I eat, before I eat, no matter what I eat-pain
~Nausea-STILL, When is this going to end? Just have to keep shoving food in my face
~Peeing all the time!
~Weird Face rash-improving, but still present
~Butt Pain (new!)- like the end of my legs aren't connected to my pelvic bones, super ouch!
~Brain mush (new!)-wait what was I saying...?

I can't believe it's almost the end of the 4th month, with the holidays rapidly approaching I am sure time is going to start to fly. It may be time to start worrying about real stuff, like What are we gonna call these things and where in this tiny house are we gonna put them?

So much to ponder...

Twins!

I am pregnant. After wishing and hoping for so long, it finally happened, we are going to have babies. I am 13 weeks and 3 days pregnant with twins. I can't believe it. I am having a hard time accepting that everything will be alright. My symptoms are slowly getting better. I haven't thrown up since Saturday so there's that. Heartburn, nausea, overactive gag reflex, sensitive to smells, moody, basically pregnant. This should all be reassuring to me, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. Only time will tell, I will try to positive. I will try to use this blog as a pregnancy journal, to record how all this goes. I hope to post belly pics and Ultra-sound pics, so stay tuned!

Everyone else is doing it...

So every single person in my family has updated their respective blogs, except for me. So here I am to join the band wagon. I am working on a project that I can't really talk about yet, but it is taking all my energy right now. Hopefully I'll be able to fill everyone in soon. The new job is not quite as loathsome as first thought, but it is utterly boring. I kinda can't leave it right now, so lemons=lemonade. I have met some really nice people, always a highlight. Still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up so for now I will focus on outside of work interests. One day I will figure out that perfect mixture of flex-schedule, work from home, money-making venture, but until then I gotta bring home the bacon. I can think of a lot worse places to do that.

Right now I am looking forward to the weekends, the 24th will be spouse and my 5 year anniversary. Then the next weekend it Halloween, my 3rd favorite holiday! I am so jazzed, the remainder of October is going to rock!

Wow I really do suck at keeping up with this...

So I am supposed to be packing for the much anticipated Dragon*Con, but I am a champion procrastinator, and this time you are the beneficiary. Spouse and I have been eagerly looking forward to this trip since the super-awesome time we had last year at the Con. This year we are more prepared and know what to expect, so we won't be missing a single thing! We also have a hotel room this year and plenty of time-off requested (I even have a recov day planned!).

I am feeling a wee bit hormonal, or maybe Spouse is the most annoying person in the world, maybe both is true. The fact that I hate my new job violently probable isn't helping the whole "mood" thing. I really do have to keep the stress in check, more meditating less worrying.

OK, fine, I guess I'll get busy...see you on the other side.

See, I'm back again and so soon!

I have to stop addressing my blog, it's a little too "Dear Diary" for my taste. I am meant to be cleaning right now, so of course here I am. I love the above picture, it's hilarious, yet pretty in a way. It's such a pretty day, my mom and my dad are coming tomorrow. I really need to prepare their room and spruce up the bathroom. All I want to do is take a nap. It's too late for caffeine, it's out of the question. I want to actually get to sleep tonight. My mom can have coffee at anytime of the day and still fall asleep on the couch at 8:30 while watching a movie. A month without caffeine and I felt great, I was ready to do without for awhile. Then when I started to consume it again I found the addiction picked up right where it left off. Maybe I should give it for good this time, no reason just to make myself feel better. I'll still have the booze! Can't live without the alcohol. Speaking of, I think I will have some right now. Oh wait the cleaning...

Facebook stole my heart, for a little while

I will try not to abandon you again blog. Lots of things have happened since I wrote on you last. Some good, some bad. All life changing. As I change, I find I am the optimist that I always knew I was. Dealing with hard times, and disappointment there really is no room for defeatism. I thought that I would buckle and slip into the silent, depressive state I've romanticised ever since I read the Bell Jar and the like when I was a teen. Instead I was just, alright. The logical part of my brain, that I've down-played even to myself, stepped up. It filled my head with all sort of smart observances and practical ideas. So I am here. Changed, but still myself. More so some may say. There are still tears that come from no where, but they are further and farther between. It seems I am strong. I have found that in the face of loss there is something to be gained and that is reassuring.

It's freakin' Baby Goats, common!

There are no words, Happy Friday!

New President feels like I waited my whole life for this...

I have been a liberal, as I have stated before, since I was 9 years old. My first vote was in 2000, second in 2004, I guess the third time was a charm! I was starting to think I was a jinx. The actual fulfillment of the dream of having the person I voted for to take office has been realized today. I pledge to put my might were my mouth is, we can change this country. We must. No act is too small. We can be the change.

What is what?

No resolutions. Not this year. They never get me anywhere. What is the point? We can talk about doing or we can do. I am a legendary talker. I am known for my overwhelming verbosity. I love to tell a story. I admit, I am a gossip, but the truth is I'll dish on my own biz if the dish is good. I just like to talk. I can listen too, if I feel like it. I am tired of being all talk. I think it may be time for me to shut-up...well not for too long.

Christmas-y feelings on the rise....

A lovely quiet day. The next 4 days will be anything but. I work retail so I will be in the lion's den. Everything is going to be alright, though, because I have just the cure....My christmas spirit is here!!!! Today I watched Scrooge (1970), the musical with Albert Finney. Oh it is divine! Young Albert Finney is so fetching! I am so filled with the christmas spirit I did this to my hair today.....
Half of it is bright red now! I hope everyone is drunk with the spirit of the season! If not just get drunk, full stop.

The Holidays are Here?

Maybe it's just that there wasn't as much time between T-day and X-mas, but it doesn't feel like Christmas time. It could be the warm weather, it could be the lack of customers at the retail shop where I work. My tree is up, I decorated, I've watched some movies-nothing. I don't know why, I just don't feel it this year. I feel like I haven't had enough holiday marinating time. You know music, movies, nog/cider, and tree gazing. I should plan to do that, but when? I had to let go of my cards this year, there just isn't enough time. I don't know what I AM doing with all of my time. I should write out a schedule and see where all the time is going, but who has time for that?

Turkey day come and gone....

Thanksgiving this year was a two part affair at the Ramirez household. On Thanksgiving proper Randall had to work all day. So my sister Natalie and I had the lovely food you see above, just the two of us. We watched movies (not holiday flicks but movies with transvestites!), took a stroll in our neighborhood (at our own peril!), and napped (well tried to, but just ended up laughing 'til we cried) all in all perfection! Quiet, peaceful, basically the complete opposite of Saturday or Thanksgiving Observed. I am so excited by one discovery I made due to this bifurcated thanksgiving celebration TURKEY BREAST! I'm not a real big dark meat person so when I made this super easy, super tasty turkey breast for me and Natalie, I pledged my undying love and allegiance forever.

My middle sister and her family joined us on Saturday. This is the only picture I got since we were all talking and visiting so much I forgot to take any. If there were other pictures I had taken they would have been of:

Eric, my sister's soon-to-be husband, sitting on the couch watching (read as sleeping, snoring) football (I know. Football at my house!)

Randall and Preston playing video games in the guest room.

Jessica cookin' up a storm in the kitchen.

Declan causing destruction everywhere he goes.

Fun was had by all.......

Heaven and Hell

Oh Joy! Finally after all the waiting, it's here! The new Wally Lamb. It is a delicious 740 pages long. At once I am faced with the Reader's Dilemma, reading voraciously only brings the end faster. Alas, how can one not read voraciously when there is such a book to be read? I will savor this moment when the book is still there, unconquered. Soon it will be inside of my head.

Speaking of inside my head, with all the joys of election day there was a defeat. I am continually amazed at how selfish and short-sighted opponents of same-sex marriage can be. How can you be so filled with hateful, righteous indignation and stand in the street and yell and carry signs so that people can't get married?! It is important to me because as a person I want all people to enjoy the same rights, benefits, responsibilities I have everyday simply because I was born into a middle-class, educated, white family and have chosen to live my life with a male-bodied partner. If not for these accidents of birth, I wouldn't be able to rest with my privileges. So I try not to rest. I understand the fervor over abortion, I am firmly pro-choice, but I get it. It's about life and death for pro-lifers. So while I do not believe in their politics or methods, I understand their passion. Where is the issue with gay marriage? Especially in California where the weddings had already been taking place, where was the life and death? Where was the harm? What is the point of opposing something so vehemently that has nothing to do with you or your religion. Marriage has, for some time now, been removed from the religious sphere. It is a matter of state and I think there may be a little something written somewhere about the two being separate. As long as humans have been around, we have wanted to control each other's actions. The reasons are varied and the results mostly disastrous. It's time. It's time to let it go. It's time to mind our own little red wagons on this issue. There is no harm. There is only love. I think we can all stand up for that.

Well this link below pretty much says it all...except I tend to run a little more emotional than violent. A few more tears a few less Boo-yas!

http://madmonq.wordpress.com/2008/11/05/salaam-al-alaikum-fundamentalists-neo-cons-pumas-suckas/

I am so proud of America. I knew we had it in us!

Hope is contagious...pass it on.

GO VOTE!!!!!

You are not allowed to complain if you don't cast your ballot. I have already voted. Randall and I voted on our anniversary, in the rain, waiting on line in excess of an hour. I felt so proud to touch the little box on the screen next to Mr. Obama's name. The importance and significance of this election was almost too much for me at that moment. I am not ashamed to say that my eyes began to sting with tears. A non-white candidate for president with a real chance of winning, I am so proud of America.

When I was 12 years old I remember watching Clinton on the TV. I remember being so enthralled, not just with him but with the whole process. At school I debated for him (I mean Bush did lie about those "new taxes"), I joined the Young Democrats of Alabama and embraced my role as a liberal very much in the minority in Sylacauga, AL. I have never been as excited about a candidate since then, until now. I am not going into details, I am not trying to campaign it is way too late for that (even though McCain might disagree). I love America. Even though I joke about moving away to other cool places, I know America is the land I love. I know it's not cool to admit it, at least outside of a country-western song, but I do. Not even the past 8 years can taint this life-long romance.

4 years ago...

I can't believe that it has been four years since Randall and I got married. I never thought I would get married so young. What have I honestly learned over the last 4 years (and the two before that)? So many things. I tried to write it all out, but it just sounded pretentious and like maybe I should wait a few years before saying I know anything about marriage. I figure up until this point we have gotten very lucky. Just as lucky as we were the day we met.

Things I love/things I hate just because...

Here are my goat friends from across the way. I love goats, I don't know why or where this love came from. It is here now so I will enjoy it.

I hate Tyra Banks. She is weird and overly self-involved. It doesn't take a special talent to make everything in life about you. Believe me I know....

I love Pushing Daisies. If you haven't seen this show please rent the first season it is so sweet and clever and there is even knitting (Mom)! The only problem, as Randall and I found out the hard way, is the unavoidable pie cravings.

I hate people who are willfully uninformed. You have to actively avoid information in today's media saturated culture. How then do some people keep themselves in the dark? I'm not talking about whether Jen Anniston and John Mayer are together again. (They are) I'm talking about knowing which candidate for president best represents your beliefs and vision of the future of America. Come on people.

I love my back porch. It's covered by trees, so that the light dapples through onto what I am reading. I can't get enough.

I hate that the new Harry Potter movie isn't coming out this year. I need Rupert, Daniel and Emma and I am not ashamed.

I love Larabars. They are made out of dates and nuts and other stuff. They taste good, except for the cashew ones they are gross.

I hate passive-aggressive assholes. 'nuff said.

and one last love I love my husband. We have been together for 6 years (married for 4) and I'm not tired of him yet. He is perfect. 'nuff said.