something lost...something gained

Not gonna start with the whole...

2010-09-27T20:17:00.000-05:00

It's been so long since I posted junk, just gonna dive in.

This SAHM (that's stay-at-home-Mom, for all you guys who don't frequent parenting message boards, which I suspect is all of you) gig is hard! I really do feel sorry for the people who come to visit me, being already predisposed to verbosity, I become a veritable word explosion! I actually apologized to my friend Eilis when she visited on Friday, as the look of sheer horror and surprise on her face made it necessary. I do not understand how people did this sort of thing before the Internet. Real people are hard to find on a work week, because they are working. You can try to get with other Moms, but with small babies that proves daunting and difficult, and once you get together you just manage babies the whole time and lose whole chunks of conversation anyway. Then it's a choice every time, do I want to leave the house and risk the chance of a major meltdown later (x2), or will not leaving the house result in a Mommy meltdown that can only be solved with tears and wine? I am a social person, bouts of hermit crabbiness aside, I love people. I love to gossip and gab, to whisper and quietly judge, to laugh and gasp in shock. I love my society. Thank you, Harvard drop-out for creating Facebook. Whatever questionable effect it is having on the way we relate to each other aside, it has saved my brain daily since I started the best job I have ever had. Even though my beautiful children satisfy so many of my daily needs- laughter, awe, challenging my problem solving skills, and sweet kisses and baby soft hands touching my face- they do not provide the intelligent discourse I crave. Talking back to NPR doesn't count as they, I understand now, can't hear me. So everyday I choose, if no one has signed up to come visit with us ( mental note: must bake more to coerce people to journey out, it seems like the promise of baby's smiles would be enough, alas it is not), to either have a easy day with well-rested, calm babies; or to lay eyes on an adult within the 13 hours Randall works.

Well, choosing isn't that hard happy babies win every time.

30 married, mother of two

2010-06-03T06:38:00.002-05:00

Well it's here, the day I have been anticipating my whole life-I think I may be an adult now. I am amazed that the title of my blog I chose 6 years ago still is so apt. The past year has brought so many losses, some tragic and others welcome. It has brought much gain. I can't even begin to conceptualize how lucky and amazingly happy I am now. When my husband and I look at our beautiful children we have to just give up trying to understand how we made these amazing creatures. I am still myself, but so much more than I used to be. I feel I am finally coming into my full self. I am more motivated, organized, patient, dedicated, and full of love than I ever thought possible. This is the change that motherhood has enacted upon me in just 6 weeks, I can't imagine what the next year and beyond will bring. I can't wait to find out. Moving forward I know there will be pain and frustration, but I feel armed against it. Malcolm and Lucy and my husband are a family. A family I helped create and will shape in the future, it is my true career. I finally found my place, and I can see the way ahead. It only took 30 years.

Hello 2010!

2010-04-11T09:07:00.003-05:00

I have been concentrating so hard on being Pregnant I forgot about my poor little blog! Well here we are 36 weeks and 2 days along, still gestating. This is pretty far for Twins! People keep telling me that I am doing a great job, I don't really understand this I have just been truckin' along.
My last day of work was yesterday. I thought that I would be elated, but it was a little more mixed. I have worked since I was 18 years old, mostly in retail management. I have always wanted to be a homemaker, I really feel like I could do a good job at it. Now that it is here, I am scared and excited.

I am going to take it easy until the babies come, I do have a few projects in mind, though. With all this time I should be able to update this thing more! That is until the babes actually come.

What is on the docket for today?

Finishing more Thank you notes, we were so lucky to receive so many beautiful gifts, I have been trying to slowly get through all the notes. I am also going to conquer the laundry situation here! It always makes me feel so much better when the clothes are all put away and clean. I will also try to catch some rays today too. It is so lovely here right now, not a cloud in the sky, in the 70's, basically heaven. I have to remember to not bite off more than I can chew! I am carrying around two (big and getting bigger) babies. I am just so excited to finally be doing things important to my family and feathering my nest!

14 weeks 5 days

2009-11-11T17:44:00.002-05:00

Went to the regular baby doctor today. Saw those sweet little baby heads, and heard their hearts. Randall and I, after mucho grumbling on Randall's part, got our swine flu shots. We found out that their NT test came back normal so one hurdle down... Randall insists that I am developing a little tummy, but I still just look fat to me. So I will probably wait until it is a little more impressive before I post a pic, also the pictures from today's baby photo session were really blurry so two more weeks and we will have good pictures of Babies and Belly.

Symptoms!

~Heartburn-all the time, after I eat, before I eat, no matter what I eat-pain
~Nausea-STILL, When is this going to end? Just have to keep shoving food in my face
~Peeing all the time!
~Weird Face rash-improving, but still present
~Butt Pain (new!)- like the end of my legs aren't connected to my pelvic bones, super ouch!
~Brain mush (new!)-wait what was I saying...?

I can't believe it's almost the end of the 4th month, with the holidays rapidly approaching I am sure time is going to start to fly. It may be time to start worrying about real stuff, like What are we gonna call these things and where in this tiny house are we gonna put them?

So much to ponder...

Twins!

2009-11-02T14:59:00.002-05:00

I am pregnant. After wishing and hoping for so long, it finally happened, we are going to have babies. I am 13 weeks and 3 days pregnant with twins. I can't believe it. I am having a hard time accepting that everything will be alright. My symptoms are slowly getting better. I haven't thrown up since Saturday so there's that. Heartburn, nausea, overactive gag reflex, sensitive to smells, moody, basically pregnant. This should all be reassuring to me, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. Only time will tell, I will try to positive. I will try to use this blog as a pregnancy journal, to record how all this goes. I hope to post belly pics and Ultra-sound pics, so stay tuned!

Everyone else is doing it...

2009-10-18T19:44:00.002-05:00

So every single person in my family has updated their respective blogs, except for me. So here I am to join the band wagon. I am working on a project that I can't really talk about yet, but it is taking all my energy right now. Hopefully I'll be able to fill everyone in soon. The new job is not quite as loathsome as first thought, but it is utterly boring. I kinda can't leave it right now, so lemons=lemonade. I have met some really nice people, always a highlight. Still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up so for now I will focus on outside of work interests. One day I will figure out that perfect mixture of flex-schedule, work from home, money-making venture, but until then I gotta bring home the bacon. I can think of a lot worse places to do that.

Right now I am looking forward to the weekends, the 24th will be spouse and my 5 year anniversary. Then the next weekend it Halloween, my 3rd favorite holiday! I am so jazzed, the remainder of October is going to rock!

Wow I really do suck at keeping up with this...

2009-09-03T10:22:00.002-05:00

So I am supposed to be packing for the much anticipated Dragon*Con, but I am a champion procrastinator, and this time you are the beneficiary. Spouse and I have been eagerly looking forward to this trip since the super-awesome time we had last year at the Con. This year we are more prepared and know what to expect, so we won't be missing a single thing! We also have a hotel room this year and plenty of time-off requested (I even have a recov day planned!).

I am feeling a wee bit hormonal, or maybe Spouse is the most annoying person in the world, maybe both is true. The fact that I hate my new job violently probable isn't helping the whole "mood" thing. I really do have to keep the stress in check, more meditating less worrying.

OK, fine, I guess I'll get busy...see you on the other side.

See, I'm back again and so soon!

2009-04-15T16:03:00.003-05:00

I have to stop addressing my blog, it's a little too "Dear Diary" for my taste. I am meant to be cleaning right now, so of course here I am. I love the above picture, it's hilarious, yet pretty in a way. It's such a pretty day, my mom and my dad are coming tomorrow. I really need to prepare their room and spruce up the bathroom. All I want to do is take a nap. It's too late for caffeine, it's out of the question. I want to actually get to sleep tonight. My mom can have coffee at anytime of the day and still fall asleep on the couch at 8:30 while watching a movie. A month without caffeine and I felt great, I was ready to do without for awhile. Then when I started to consume it again I found the addiction picked up right where it left off. Maybe I should give it for good this time, no reason just to make myself feel better. I'll still have the booze! Can't live without the alcohol. Speaking of, I think I will have some right now. Oh wait the cleaning...

Facebook stole my heart, for a little while

2009-04-13T17:48:00.003-05:00

I will try not to abandon you again blog. Lots of things have happened since I wrote on you last. Some good, some bad. All life changing. As I change, I find I am the optimist that I always knew I was. Dealing with hard times, and disappointment there really is no room for defeatism. I thought that I would buckle and slip into the silent, depressive state I've romanticised ever since I read the Bell Jar and the like when I was a teen. Instead I was just, alright. The logical part of my brain, that I've down-played even to myself, stepped up. It filled my head with all sort of smart observances and practical ideas. So I am here. Changed, but still myself. More so some may say. There are still tears that come from no where, but they are further and farther between. It seems I am strong. I have found that in the face of loss there is something to be gained and that is reassuring.

It's freakin' Baby Goats, common!

2009-02-28T14:35:00.002-05:00

There are no words, Happy Friday!

2009-01-23T09:12:00.000-05:00

New President feels like I waited my whole life for this...

2009-01-20T13:51:00.002-05:00

I have been a liberal, as I have stated before, since I was 9 years old. My first vote was in 2000, second in 2004, I guess the third time was a charm! I was starting to think I was a jinx. The actual fulfillment of the dream of having the person I voted for to take office has been realized today. I pledge to put my might were my mouth is, we can change this country. We must. No act is too small. We can be the change.

What is what?

2009-01-05T21:38:00.004-05:00

No resolutions. Not this year. They never get me anywhere. What is the point? We can talk about doing or we can do. I am a legendary talker. I am known for my overwhelming verbosity. I love to tell a story. I admit, I am a gossip, but the truth is I'll dish on my own biz if the dish is good. I just like to talk. I can listen too, if I feel like it. I am tired of being all talk. I think it may be time for me to shut-up...well not for too long.

Christmas-y feelings on the rise....

2008-12-20T18:48:00.007-05:00

A lovely quiet day. The next 4 days will be anything but. I work retail so I will be in the lion's den. Everything is going to be alright, though, because I have just the cure....My christmas spirit is here!!!! Today I watched Scrooge (1970), the musical with Albert Finney. Oh it is divine! Young Albert Finney is so fetching! I am so filled with the christmas spirit I did this to my hair today.....
Half of it is bright red now! I hope everyone is drunk with the spirit of the season! If not just get drunk, full stop.

The Holidays are Here?

2008-12-15T18:21:00.003-05:00

Maybe it's just that there wasn't as much time between T-day and X-mas, but it doesn't feel like Christmas time. It could be the warm weather, it could be the lack of customers at the retail shop where I work. My tree is up, I decorated, I've watched some movies-nothing. I don't know why, I just don't feel it this year. I feel like I haven't had enough holiday marinating time. You know music, movies, nog/cider, and tree gazing. I should plan to do that, but when? I had to let go of my cards this year, there just isn't enough time. I don't know what I AM doing with all of my time. I should write out a schedule and see where all the time is going, but who has time for that?

Turkey day come and gone....

2008-12-03T11:54:00.004-05:00

Thanksgiving this year was a two part affair at the Ramirez household. On Thanksgiving proper Randall had to work all day. So my sister Natalie and I had the lovely food you see above, just the two of us. We watched movies (not holiday flicks but movies with transvestites!), took a stroll in our neighborhood (at our own peril!), and napped (well tried to, but just ended up laughing 'til we cried) all in all perfection! Quiet, peaceful, basically the complete opposite of Saturday or Thanksgiving Observed. I am so excited by one discovery I made due to this bifurcated thanksgiving celebration TURKEY BREAST! I'm not a real big dark meat person so when I made this super easy, super tasty turkey breast for me and Natalie, I pledged my undying love and allegiance forever.

My middle sister and her family joined us on Saturday. This is the only picture I got since we were all talking and visiting so much I forgot to take any. If there were other pictures I had taken they would have been of:

Eric, my sister's soon-to-be husband, sitting on the couch watching (read as sleeping, snoring) football (I know. Football at my house!)

Randall and Preston playing video games in the guest room.

Jessica cookin' up a storm in the kitchen.

Declan causing destruction everywhere he goes.

Fun was had by all.......

Heaven and Hell

2008-11-12T08:25:00.003-05:00

Oh Joy! Finally after all the waiting, it's here! The new Wally Lamb. It is a delicious 740 pages long. At once I am faced with the Reader's Dilemma, reading voraciously only brings the end faster. Alas, how can one not read voraciously when there is such a book to be read? I will savor this moment when the book is still there, unconquered. Soon it will be inside of my head.

Speaking of inside my head, with all the joys of election day there was a defeat. I am continually amazed at how selfish and short-sighted opponents of same-sex marriage can be. How can you be so filled with hateful, righteous indignation and stand in the street and yell and carry signs so that people can't get married?! It is important to me because as a person I want all people to enjoy the same rights, benefits, responsibilities I have everyday simply because I was born into a middle-class, educated, white family and have chosen to live my life with a male-bodied partner. If not for these accidents of birth, I wouldn't be able to rest with my privileges. So I try not to rest. I understand the fervor over abortion, I am firmly pro-choice, but I get it. It's about life and death for pro-lifers. So while I do not believe in their politics or methods, I understand their passion. Where is the issue with gay marriage? Especially in California where the weddings had already been taking place, where was the life and death? Where was the harm? What is the point of opposing something so vehemently that has nothing to do with you or your religion. Marriage has, for some time now, been removed from the religious sphere. It is a matter of state and I think there may be a little something written somewhere about the two being separate. As long as humans have been around, we have wanted to control each other's actions. The reasons are varied and the results mostly disastrous. It's time. It's time to let it go. It's time to mind our own little red wagons on this issue. There is no harm. There is only love. I think we can all stand up for that.

2008-11-05T18:17:00.004-05:00

Well this link below pretty much says it all...except I tend to run a little more emotional than violent. A few more tears a few less Boo-yas!

http://madmonq.wordpress.com/2008/11/05/salaam-al-alaikum-fundamentalists-neo-cons-pumas-suckas/

I am so proud of America. I knew we had it in us!

Hope is contagious...pass it on.

GO VOTE!!!!!

2008-11-03T19:14:00.002-05:00

You are not allowed to complain if you don't cast your ballot. I have already voted. Randall and I voted on our anniversary, in the rain, waiting on line in excess of an hour. I felt so proud to touch the little box on the screen next to Mr. Obama's name. The importance and significance of this election was almost too much for me at that moment. I am not ashamed to say that my eyes began to sting with tears. A non-white candidate for president with a real chance of winning, I am so proud of America.

When I was 12 years old I remember watching Clinton on the TV. I remember being so enthralled, not just with him but with the whole process. At school I debated for him (I mean Bush did lie about those "new taxes"), I joined the Young Democrats of Alabama and embraced my role as a liberal very much in the minority in Sylacauga, AL. I have never been as excited about a candidate since then, until now. I am not going into details, I am not trying to campaign it is way too late for that (even though McCain might disagree). I love America. Even though I joke about moving away to other cool places, I know America is the land I love. I know it's not cool to admit it, at least outside of a country-western song, but I do. Not even the past 8 years can taint this life-long romance.

4 years ago...

2008-10-21T08:28:00.005-05:00

I can't believe that it has been four years since Randall and I got married. I never thought I would get married so young. What have I honestly learned over the last 4 years (and the two before that)? So many things. I tried to write it all out, but it just sounded pretentious and like maybe I should wait a few years before saying I know anything about marriage. I figure up until this point we have gotten very lucky. Just as lucky as we were the day we met.

Things I love/things I hate just because...

2008-10-14T22:51:00.006-05:00

Here are my goat friends from across the way. I love goats, I don't know why or where this love came from. It is here now so I will enjoy it.

I hate Tyra Banks. She is weird and overly self-involved. It doesn't take a special talent to make everything in life about you. Believe me I know....

I love Pushing Daisies. If you haven't seen this show please rent the first season it is so sweet and clever and there is even knitting (Mom)! The only problem, as Randall and I found out the hard way, is the unavoidable pie cravings.

I hate people who are willfully uninformed. You have to actively avoid information in today's media saturated culture. How then do some people keep themselves in the dark? I'm not talking about whether Jen Anniston and John Mayer are together again. (They are) I'm talking about knowing which candidate for president best represents your beliefs and vision of the future of America. Come on people.

I love my back porch. It's covered by trees, so that the light dapples through onto what I am reading. I can't get enough.

I hate that the new Harry Potter movie isn't coming out this year. I need Rupert, Daniel and Emma and I am not ashamed.

I love Larabars. They are made out of dates and nuts and other stuff. They taste good, except for the cashew ones they are gross.

I hate passive-aggressive assholes. 'nuff said.

and one last love I love my husband. We have been together for 6 years (married for 4) and I'm not tired of him yet. He is perfect. 'nuff said.

Here is nerdy(?) me...

2008-09-27T12:12:00.002-05:00

I love my glasses. The pink is a little faded, it is subtle, no? I think I will stick with pink for a while, then maybe purple. I know I used to seriously hate purple, but I have made peace with the purple. Stay tuned for more... I hope you have a nice day.

Horror at The Grit!

2008-09-24T09:22:00.006-05:00

I had to post this picture at Randall's behest. He took it at The Grit during brunch. The composition is excellent for a camera phone. I wish I had that lovely cup of coffee right now. They have the best roast at The Grit. This picture however is a failure since it shows neither my pink hair or my new glasses (they are not reading glasses, but far-away glasses). You never know how blind you actually are until you get glasses. Oh the wonders I can see now, like road signs and pedestrians in the road! Next picture I post will show all three of my new image updates. I'll let you wonder what the third is, and what in that Bitch magazine is making me make that face.

No more blurry girl...

2008-08-07T12:30:00.002-05:00

My mom says that she doesn't want to see "that blurry girl" anymore, which is what she calls the picture in my previous post. Which is funny because that picture is perfectly indicative of my current station in life. I feel I don't know where my edges are anymore. Having been through a somewhat troubling, definitely trying, period of my life, I feel a bit aimless. Not to sound super contrite, but I feel like I am lost in a fog. My very wise and strong Aunt Linda says "sometimes dreams change." I am positive they do as mine are changing. The problem is I haven't found new ones yet. I think that is the cause of my current blurry mood. I have never really been without a concrete goal and plan. I just must keep learning and growing and when the fog lifts, it will be there- my shiny new dream. I have to be alright with wandering for a little while.

just a quick post...

2008-07-21T15:27:00.000-05:00

I have been quite busy with a project for awhile. Now that I have put that on the back burner (for now) I feel I will have more of an occasion to write. I have a few irons in the fire hopefully soon some with bear fruit. Wow talk about mixing metaphors! Looking forward...

Farmer's market, reading, a gay doc and Indy

2008-05-24T11:47:00.001-05:00

These are the beautiful herbs that I got at the new Athens Farmer's Market this morning. I got up sooo early this morning to get there while the pickin's were still good. I got mint, basil, cilantro and onions all for $8! I am so happy I could bust. I can't wait to take Randall next Saturday. I came home and read on my back porch for as long as I wanted, which is just heaven to me. The seemingly unlimited time of days off. I hate time constraints. I understand that we must have clocks and schedules or there would be chaos, but I prefer timekeeping to be a little less rigid.
I eventually got hungry and made a lovely breakfast out of my farmer's market finds. Also, I made some lovely wheat scones from scratch--without a recipe! They weren't very pretty so, no picture. They tasted very good, if I do say so myself, with jam and butter.
I am watching Before Stonewall a chronicle of homosexuality in America before the historical Stonewall Riot. I highly reccomend anyone interested in this subject to see this well-made documentary.
Cassy and I are going to see Indiana Jones this afternoon. I am mildly excited. I remember loving the old Indy movies, mostly due to the fact that Harrison Ford was my boyfriend for most of my childhood. I loved him so much. Thinking back on it I don't remember when it started, but it just was. My mom loved Al Pacino, I loved Harrison. Then he got that tacky earring and started dating Calista Flockhart and it was over.
It seems like a truly kick-ass movie comes out like every week this summer. Next week is Sex and the City! I have very carefully avoided any media on the movie so that I might be as suprised by the plot as possible. So only one more week to go. I hope I make it.

Happy Saturday!

Bad Sesame: The Fern Incident

2008-05-06T13:16:00.000-05:00

This is my new boston fern. This is my bad kitty named Sesame Chicken. I discovered his "love" for his new friend? dinner? today while posting. He was literally inside the thing going to town.

I was so facinated, as Sesame rarely shows such enthusiasm for anything other than canned food, I didn't make him stop right away. I took pictures. Then in a guilty-mother terror haze pushed him away from it and frantically begain to google the words: Cat poison fern. You'll be happy to know that Sesame is not in mortal danger. The boston fern should apparently fear him more than vice versa. As I type this 30 minutes or so after the initail altercation he is making his way to the fern again. Such is his fervor, such is his passion and desire for this bulky potted plant.

Roses?

2008-05-06T13:03:00.001-05:00

This is our beautiful, I think, rose bush in our front yard. I wish that I could show you more pictures, but blogger is being special and only letting me post one picture per post. I have to find something to plant aroung our mailbox. We had a beautiful butterfly attracting bush of some sort. I'm not going to say I killed it so much as I offended it into eternal slumber. A gardener lady in my neighborhood said after it died in the fall that I should cut it to the ground. So i did. I guess I didn't do it right. It never came back so now all we have is a creepy grey dead stick plant guarding our mail post. Oh that and the evil bees that won't let us get our mail. Seriously, Randall has to take bug spray to the mailbox everyday. I gave up. I just don't get the mail anymore. I think they may be carpenter bees, which means they won't sting me. They still charge at me everytime I get anywhere near the mailbox. Terrifying.

books..too many?

2008-05-06T12:45:00.000-05:00

Speaking of the beauty of the outdoors, I have the perfect outdoor activity. This is a stack of all the books I am currently in the middle of reading. I have a very annoying propensity for starting a book when I am half-way through another. I have decided enough is enough. I will climb this mountain of books. I am going to finish all the books that I own. As I write this I have added another book to my stack. So it will take a little longer, I'm game. Summer is the perfect time to read. Winter is for videos and TV, summer is for reading. Outside in the sun (with plenty of sunblock of course) is my new heaven.

Just a regular day...

2008-04-26T17:11:00.003-05:00

So today was very productive. I ran around all day, being a good little consumer. I did drop some stuff off at Goodwill so maybe that will offset some of my guilt.

Here are all my babies, some are starting to sprout. The Gardinia in the middle, that Cassy almost killed while we were in NY, is starting to come back. I knew if I was patient it would come back. Now if the Rununculas would sprout, I would be on cloud nine.

This is my new beautiful red tea kettle. We are switching to a french press, instead of using the electric coffee maker. The electric tea kettle I have had for 10 years died. Thus the need for this lovely new one. It is perfectly short and stout. It makes me happy.

We are finally going to paint the hall! We have decided upon blue. The only trouble is there are 500,000,000 shades of blue. I always find myself standing at the color chip wall in Lowes staring at colors that all look the same and make my eyes hurt. Then I cry...

I tried to narrow it down, but ended up getting 4 different testers. So there are 5 different spots on the wall for us to choose from. I feel like we are getting farther away from deciding, not closer.

I am watching Walk Hard. That's exactly how it should be watched, while doing something else. It doesn't deserve my full attention, and can't hold it anyway. Fun cameos and crude jokes do not a movie make.

Well dinner is not going to make itself. Hopefully, I'll post again soon with a more interesting story to tell. For now I am still enjoying my regular day....

This is it...

2008-03-14T09:19:00.003-05:00

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have
the life that is waiting for us.

~Joseph Campbell

This is the lesson I am learning right now. We always try to force things
when we should just let it be. This life is not at all what I pictured when
I was a child, but I wouldn't change a thing. I am happy. It's so strange
when you stop in the moment and think "I am happy." Isn't that all that
really matters? I could be successful and "important," but still not be
happy. When I was a teenager I thought that other's adoration and applause
would be my life. I have found my life instead in a tiny house in Athens,
Georgia. A house I share with a neurotic cat and a wonderful partner. A
partner and friend who never fails to amaze me with his kindness and
patience and good humor (this is the true secret of a good marriage). I have
flowers and a place to sit outside and read. I have goats across the way
that just created beautiful, tiny offspring. All of this fills me with joy.
I hope you have found this kind of joy. It is there all around you, you just
have to stop trying to making it happen and just let it be. Kinda like the weird spacing on this post....blogger would let me change it. So after like 20 tries, I have decided to let it do what it wants. Love to all

We sprung, but still no spring

2008-03-10T20:21:00.004-05:00

Well we lost an hour this weekend. I guess we get it back in the fall. What if you don't live that long, though, what if you never get it back? How can they just delete and hour? It is still there. Just because we change our silly time-keepers doesn't mean anything. Time is not something that can be trifled with lightly. I have seen many a Sci-Fi flick whose plot turned on this point. Oh time is a motherfucker, and it will have it's revenge. It'll be when we least expect it. It'll lure us into a sense of calm and normalcy. Then BAM, all the clocks will begin to drip with blood, but not human blood. No, that would be expected. It'll be, like, alien blood. The headlines will read "Clocks drip blue paint, townsfolk confused-not really scared." Then Time will write an anonymous letter to the editor saying "it's alien blood and you can tell by how it cures cancer." Then the townsfolk will be excited, I mean a cure for cancer-Cheers! Then Time will be like, "wrong it's bad...very bad in, like, an end of world way." Then the townsfolk will be slightly depressed as now they won't have time to cure everyone of cancer. Then Time (still writing into the editor I suppose) will be like "just forget all that, your all gonna die." Then they'll be scared, and then, well, they'll die. I mean it was inevitable.

I'm moving to one of those towns that doesn't observe DST. They know what they're doing. They're the same ones who still have canned goods after the nuclear holocaust. Buddy, they are prepared. They know better than to mess with time.

um,OK. Have a nice day.

a nice quiet day

2008-03-06T22:48:00.001-05:00

I spent the entire day outside reading. It was beautiful and warm and dry, finally. So I soaked up some vitamin D and finished the The Amber Spyglass. The final instalment in the Phillip Pullman His Dark Materials series. It was amazing. This last book was the best, very well written with plenty of stand alone quotes. The end made me cry, I was deeply satisfying as only sad endings can be.

Then I paid some bills and had a nice cheese sandwich on store-bought bread, that Randall brought home, since I still haven't made the loaf I promised him. I'll get to it. Today was not bread day, maybe Saturday. Then I made a list of all the other things I wanted to get accomplished during the remainder of the day. Which always guarantees I won't do a damn thing on the list, it's like I write it all down so that I can be free to do what I really want to do. Man, I am needlessly complicated.

I completed my day by watching the longer-than-expected Lust/Caution. It was as racy as the NC-17 rating promised it would be, the story was compelling too. I do worry for Ang Lee's sense of romantic love. This is not the first time I've seen him initiate a love-affair with a violent act.

So that was about it, tomorrow brings work and stuff of the not-so-quiet persuasion. Now I also need a new book...oh wait I know where to find one of those.

have good day

Christmas in march

2008-03-05T01:46:00.000-05:00

So I am a little behind....This is what the new house looked like in December. It was just such a pretty picture that I didn't want anyone to miss it! I really am going to come back with avengence. There are so many cool things going on right now, I really have to share it all. I need to share all the homemaker-y stuff I am totally getting down with right now. So all you peeps that deleted me or moved me down on your blog list go ahead and pull me back up to the tops 'cause I'm back bitches! If you look closely at this picture you can see many really cool things.

tori. pigs. turkeys. goats.

2007-11-20T11:59:00.000-05:00

We saw TORI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is totally a picture that I took at the show.

Ok not really.

The Ticket said no cameras or videocameras. I am a rule follower. I follow rules. Apparently NO ONE else does. Everybody had their cameras and cell phones out shooting the whole thing. I was so sad. Randall pointed out that without trying to capture the "moment" the whole time we acctually just enjoyed it. Crazy, huh. Old people are smart. It was fantastic. I loved every minute. There was only one song that was ruined because people were talking next to me, very loudly. Then they left....I had nothing to do with them leaving or not coming back. Don't listen to Randall. He lies. She played alot of old school music which was awsome and the lights were amazing. I think Randall even enjoyed it without being familiar/caring about her music.

We also found our new favorite pre-fox restaurant. It's called Loca Luna. It was so cool and we ate so early we practically had the place to ourselves. We had tapas and drinks and dessert it was all so indulgent. Once again i have to reiterate, I absolutely did not have TWO Dirty kettleone vodka martinis. I absolutely did not get very tipsy and tell said rude-talkers to "not come back" the third time they made the whole row get up so they could go-- what snort blow in the bathroom? I don't know. These are lies. He really has a problem. He makes things up.

After that we had a few boring days. Then I got interesting news from my sister.

She is now really a woman. Some men are Pigs.

I have all my groceries for Thankgiving I: the great experiment! ( imagine that being said very dramatically with arms in the air). I need a web cam.

I am really excited to cook on thursday, we'll see how long that lasts. i am going to make a whole turkey, which we found out don't come any smaller than 12 lbs. That and the fact that when a recipe calls for Day-old bread it really mean old-bread, have been our first two suprising discoveries. (i thought it was a brand-name or something) So this should prove to be interesting to say the least.

For now I must go turn in my paper on the evilness of the passive female role-model as exiplified by Disney's Princesses. i can't believe I just typed the Princesses i told myself i would EVER have to do that again. princesses. Oh my (nonexistant) god! I can't stop.

Love and goats to all! Most especially cheers (have a drink) to Natalie.

It's the house...

2007-11-06T15:04:00.000-05:00

So there it is for all of those who haven't seen it yet. Please disregard the unkempt shrubbery. We love it so much. I literally can't wait to get back to it everyday. I know it's silly but I feel like it loves us back. I feel like it is alive. Our first house. Wow.

The Family room with our fabulous white fireplace! You might especially note the gathering of various religious icons on the mantle, the perfect thing for any Atheist household. My peach chair is my favorite. That is my nook where I sit in the mornings. Once again the Ramirez's are a relaxed people- I didn't bother to straighten up before I took this picture. So there's a little taste if you want to see anymore you have to come visit us!

I had such a lovely day today, and it's not over with yet. I get to go to work now and Christmas up the Cafe. I really want to be all PMS-y but it's so pretty and the leaves are gorgeous, who can be bitchy when surrounded but such natural glamor?

I'll leave you with this...

That's from my back yard! It's just succulent. I hope everyone is well.

breathe

I hate posts with no pictures

2007-10-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

I am writing from school, so no pictures. Sitting at the main library on campus, already it has been such a day. People are really weird and crazy. I really want to go empty a vending machine. It is one of those days. I need a day off, and very well may go crazy any second now. I have to close tonight and spend tom (early) morning with the wonder(less) twins from work. All will be better after my Halloween-crushing tests are over on Thursday. The traditional night of horror movies and snacking will commence as soon as Randall gets home from work.

Cassy and I saw Gone, Baby, Gone on Sunday. It was wonderful. Casey Affleck was a revelation, perfectly suited for the part. The story was amazing in good and terrible ways. I definitely recommend everyone see it.

I am excited new Buffy comic very soon.

Heroes was a huge disappointment again last night. I love this show and they are trying to kill it. The 15 different plots and 25 new characters are so LAME. I keep waiting for the big cliffhanger or plot twist and the only thing I get is more weird faces from that tv-imitating chick. I am so mad I can't remember her stupid name.

All right enough nerdin' up for one day.

Hope everyone is well. Don't forget to breathe.

Don't Plan it, Live it.

2007-10-25T10:03:00.000-05:00

So in my readings today I relearned some interesting things that I have not been living for a while. Mindfulness. Every moment is precious, it is after all, the only thing of which we can be certain. Right now, as you are reading these words, this is it. This is your life. All the stuff we lament about the past, the future, for some the afterlife. It means nothing. The only thing we have is here and now. It sounds so simple, but it is everything. If truly meditated on it will blow your mind.

Some of my favorite things right now.....

2007-10-23T23:08:00.000-05:00

This man here, if you don't already know, is Simon Schama. He is the writer and narrator of my current obsession. The History of Britain is a 15 hour documentary of...well I think you can guess. It is amazing. This man has the most interesting storytelling voice ever. He is also kinda cute. I absolutely have a crush on him. Fifteen hours is not long enough. I want more. The story of Britain has made me want to go there all the more. Maybe I could find Simon when I go. Wow, now I'm a stalker.

I am reading this book here right now. That is as much as you read comics. The Best American

Comics of 2007 is chock-a-block full of cool people you know, and some you might not be acquainted with yet. The problem comes trying to find the writers that you like somewhere else. I have a list now of people I want to find elsewhere. It is just a tasty giant morsel if you enjoy comics.

If you are not watching 30 Rock, you must start immediately. Randall had seen a couple of eps from last season and instantly loved it. SO seeing as how I LOVE Tracy Morgan, (I don't think this point can be over emphasised), we decided to get the first season, we ended up buying it. It has something for everyone. Besides Tracy, my favorite is of course Tina Fay, she is exquisite as a down-trodden singleton. She is like a more realistic Carrie Bradshaw. I love her, her humiliation is real. She is me, sitting in a wedding dress, eating ham and wiping her hands on the skirt. I never really cared about Alec Baldwin, besides his SNL stuff I could take him or leave him, but on this show he is magic. Ever since Tracy Morgan said "that bird is ruinin' my credit" as Brian Fellows he has had my heart. Singing "Doo Doo Pie" with the now infamous Spears as a homeless man, I can't explain it, he is my kind of humor. On 30 Rock he is bombastic, paranoid and tender. I love it. 30 Rock comes on Thursdays at 8:30 on NBC, watch it. That's not a request.

Sesame says Hello! Have a good day and remember to breathe.

Has it really been a year.....

2007-10-23T10:24:00.000-05:00

It can't be possible that almost a year has come and gone. So many things have happened/changed. That's a big DUH! The best of all has been the fact that my husband and I bought a House! We are officially grown-up and stuff. I'm still trudging through school and Randall has started a new blog. It is great if I do say so myself. I feel like we are kinda wandering right now. I still don't really know what I want to do, but I do know that I am tired of school this year I only took one month off from school this whole year and I feel a little burnt out. The point is that I want to finish. I just don't understand how this whole life thing works. I just want to do something I love and get paid enough for it. I don't want to be rich. I don't want a big house and fancy cars. I just want to know that we can buy food and rent movies and not have to worry. It seems so simple. Why is it so hard? Will I have to wait until I am 50 to figure out that what I want to do is what I should do? My jill-of-all-trades has left me the master of none. I don't know what I want to do. That's a lie, I want to read and write. I want to watch movies and TV. I want to hang out with my husband and laugh. I want to have time to organize my house and cook. I want to spend the 40 hours a week I spend at work with my family. I want to have time to spend the holidays with my family. I really feel like a wage-slave. How does this work? I am 27 1/2 years old. I know what I want. I just don't know how to go about getting it.
Well there have been some successes over the last year in figuring things out. I have finally begun to conquer my life-long unhealthy relationship with food. I did with the help of Dr. Judith Beck and her Beck Diet Solution, which is not really a diet at all. She helped me get at the root of my problem thinking and behavior. I feel like a different person. I have lost to date 44 lbs. I still have 94 lbs to go, but that is less than 100 lbs! So I feel like I am closer than I have been in a while.
This biggest motivator for the weight loss has been the desire to have a baby. I want to be closer to my goal weight before we begin to start the process in earnest, but I feel like our time is slipping away. Randall will be 40 next year and I can literally hear his biological clock ticking. So that will probably be next year's big adventure.
I should be off to class now. Then it's on to work. It never stops. Here's hoping for rain.
Love to all and remember to hug someone today.

New Year, New Me?

2007-01-09T09:37:00.000-05:00

Happy new year to everyone! Well I took a nice long Holiday break from everything including computers. School is back in now though and I am muy excited. Yes Spanish is what it is all about this year gonna learn it up real good. So hopefully I will also be blogging more this year. Last year was really a lost year, so much happened yet I felt a little like I was sleepwalking a bit. This year I am gonna take life by the ...well you know...and show it what for. I will post again soon. Until then be well and breathe!

Gobble, gobble, gobble, zzzzzzzzzzzzz

2006-11-23T12:17:00.000-05:00

Hey Everybody! The day is finally here!!!! Turkeys for all!!
I made mac n cheese, fancy taters, and an apple pie decorated in the fine 80's tradition I was raised in (at least thats what my aunt said).

The parade is just about to end it was super cool this year! So many good shows!! A Chorus Line was, of course, my fave! The B-List stars were
a-plenty, and a Sandi Patti in a pear tree!

Now on to all things Christmy (a term nat just coined)! Oh wait...not until turkey is in the belly as my mom always insists!

Go give thanks and enjoy your Fam, whatever shape it takes!

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!!!

2006-11-14T10:22:00.000-05:00

Oh my stars...Where did the year go?!?!?! Well so many beautiful things have happened over the last month where do I start!

Goodbye Rumsfeld and K-fed!

My hope is that both of these sad little men disappear into the background and just fade away....

Hello Speaker Pelosi first woman majority leader of the house. Yea!!!! Femme-Power! Now I no longer believe that women are inherently better than men. Its just I can't help but feel proud every time we break down another wall between us and equality. What could be next... VP Clinton!! I am NOT naive enough to believe that Hill can get elected Prez but I think she would be a great VP at least to start.....

Oh Dreams Dreams...I love imagining the future the way I want it to be.

Anyway its almost TURKEY day! I don't know what I'll be making this year for our feast. I have seen so many crazy scrumptious things on the Food Network, I just love that channel. It's the perfect channel to turn on when your doing something else, its good back ground.

I am so Jazzed because Cassy and I are going to see Anthony Rapp tonight the original Mark in RENT!!! He is speaking/performing at UGA and we have tickets! We are both so crazy psyched (I love that spellcheck tried to replace psyched with pussycat..Hilarious) we might pee our pants from happiness. Anyway....

Hope everybody has a happy day and don't forget to clap your hands!!!

Pussycat, Pussycat I love you.....

2006-09-19T08:22:00.000-05:00

Oh My Goodness is that not the sweetest thing you have ever seen. Ok I'll admit it...I love silly pictures/videos of kitties. If that's wrong I don't want to be right. I've had this secret for awhile but now I am proud to stand up and say--My name is Emily and I am a dressed up Kittieoholic. There I feel better. Now my new goal is to get sesame on stuffonmycat.com. I just don't know what I can put him that is going to be good enough...

Now here we have a very prestigious founding mother of kitty rights. You may not have heard of Duchess Rasmalina Vanhousenblatt, but not a kitty today can forget. She fought for the rights of the fancy housekitties of America. Her cry to "forgo the rat and encourage the pat" emboldened her followers (self-titled the Rasmalites) to refuse the dirty, unregulated, underpaid, underappriciated job of killing rodents for the Uprights (humans) and take up positions in the home. Positions of leisure, principally laying down and sitting as demonstrated by one of the more popular pictures of the duchess. " We must use our skills for less, no more bloodshed in the streets, the uprights will bring us our blood now, the heart-blood of love and affection." With these words a wind of change swept across the kitty world as it was known and nothing would ever be the same.

Here now is an offerings from the Kitty Knitty Couture Collection shown this last week in New York.

I guess this model is tired from all the after-parties. The wild life of Kitty models is well-known. Full of ups and downs and the looming peril of catnip addiction. So many of our best have been lost to this seemingly pleasant yet life ruining "herb."

That's all for now. I hope you are well and happy.

Free the WEST MEMPHIS THREE!!!

Decisions, Decisions...

2006-09-01T10:52:00.000-05:00

Well I have come to, what amounts to in this day and age, a life-altering decision. I will no longer be a WAL-MART customer. I know I know not exactly monumental, you'd be surprised especially in the south, where even in my smallish town we have 2 supercenters, how hard it is to break a life-long relationship with seductively low-prices and convenient one-stop shopping. NO MORE. My best friend Cassy says that it is just one step closer to being a hippie. Well if that is what it means then fine. I cannot in good conscience continue to give money to, essentially aid and support an organization that cares about nothing, NOTHING but the pursuit of the dollar. A company whose founding family is THE richest families in the world, billionairs many many many many times over, and yet give none of there wealth away. They donated less than 1% of their income in 2004. It is disgusting. It makes me sick to think about the fact that instead of paying their employees what they deserve to be paid, a living wage, they instead instruct their human resources to direct their poverty level employees to apply for government assistance. This is not how capitalism is supposed to work. How can you have a healthy competitive free-market when wale-mart does nothing but squish every competitor? They treat their employees terribly, domestically and internationally. They treat the environment appallingly. If you really think about it they treat their customers more like cattle to milk for dollars than customers to be served. Ok I promise no more rampage...but if your interested in learning more check out the documentary Wal-mart: the High Cost of Low Prices it is eye-opening.

So John Mark Karr didn't kill JonBenet? What I surprise, I mean I just might die from NOT SURPRISE!! It's like they weren't even listening to him at all. Whatever, my ever-dwindling faith in our judicial system just died a little more.

School is great I really am getting back into the swing of things.

One last thing Jessica if you see this please CALL me I have trying to get in touch with you with no luck so I want to hear from you to make sure you are alright. I love you and PLEASE let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

have a nice wal-mart free day

School days....

2006-08-17T07:16:00.000-05:00

Ok so Today is the first day of school!!! I am so excited, I get up way too early, get everything ready, get to class too early and wait....And wait...Oh and did I mention WAIT!! So about five minutes after class was supposed to start this tiny little woman breezes in and announces that our teacher isn't here she threw our syllabi at us and told us we could go. :( Major boo!!! Hopefully my next class will be better maybe even it'll have a teacher.

Moving on....I have always had a passing interest in the Jon Benet Ramsey case. I honestly have always believed that her parents killed her. I believed it was an accident that they hamfistedly tried to conceal. Well now there is some bozo in Thailand (Thailand?) who says he was "there when Jon Benet died." Notice he didn't say that he killed her. Only that he was there. Sources on the rest of the story are shaky at this point. If you want to read about it try www.newyorktimes.com their article was the most researched at this point. As I heard someone else point out just because someone admits to involvement in a crime doesn't mean that they actually were. According to his wife and others the suspect had researched the case extensively, which means he would know more about the case than a regular person. Which begs the question why would you openly research a crime which you had committed. Wouldn't you want to distance yourself from anything having to do with the crime. At this early point, and in my humble layperson's opinion I have to say there is going to have to be some extraordinary evidence (read non-circumstantial) to make me believe that this sad, sad individual had the wit to commit the most publicized child-murder since the Lindbergh Baby.

Enough of that for now.

I hope everyone has a day worth remembering.

Not dead just lost in Sunnydale...

2006-07-26T01:26:00.000-05:00

Well I am sorry everyone, I got in this weird anti-computer mood and then it spiraled into some sort of strange hibernation. Where in the only thing that could comfort me was BUFFY.

OH MY GAY STARS!!! I am in love in the shortest time humanly possible I have completed the entire series all seven episodes ( something like 160 hours of pure goodness). I had never really watched it before...So I didn't know this is my only excuse for not coming into this world earlier. JOSS WHEDON is a GOD as many other nerds have proclaimed before me. I kinda fell into his world ass-backward.

I watched Serenity and fell in love with the characters, only to realize there was this little show called FIREFLY upon which the whole thing was based. I watched the criminally short one and only season of Firefly and was completely hooked. Two thousand viewings later I am searching for more Joss only to realize that HELLO he did BUFFY. Buffy had always been on my list of someday to watch so I decided to jump in.

Words cannot explain. I am only sorry that I am just now coming to this I wish that I had been more into when it was on. It is amazing the story, mythology of it, the crafty dialogue, the fabulous feminist allegory of it all. I cried more times than I can remember and I am still laughing and thinking about it. It's one of those wonderful things in life that gets better with repetition since Joss is such a masterful creator of universes (AKA GOD). I am kinda glad I watched them all at the same time so that I could GET more things than I would have in real time. It's much easier to remember something someone said in season 2 when you watched it two weeks ago as opposed to two YEARS ago. OK I promise that is all. Just if you have not seen it please do, it may not be your cup of tea or it could be a fabulous new obsession.

My friend Diane is moving to San Diego this week I am so proud of her, yet still selfishly I want her to stay...hmm. I wish her all the luck and best highest blessings.

Well I guess I will be around alot more. Stay tuned for my Straight Girl's Guide to my favorite hot ladies. That and reviews on what I am reading and watching and how to look hot while baking pies for orphans. Well maybe not that last bit.

take care and hug someone daily

Happy Birthday MOM!

2006-06-26T09:34:00.000-05:00

I love this picture of my mom. It shows the absolute joy in her eyes which is one of my favorite things about my mother. She has been so many things to me over the years but that has never changed.

I believe in every woman's life it is not the relationships with significant others which cause us the most turmoil it is the relationships with our mothers. Just like the relationships we have with ourselves there is a struggle wrapped in denial. There is a necessary idolatry in childhood that is required for survival. You need so much from your mother and you get so much it is primal--they are your world. As you age though this box you put her in starts to restrict and suppress the real person inside. For just like you, your mother is not a heavenly body, but just a woman. You come to see her, hopefully, as you see yourself. Someone who is still trying to figure things out and who doesn't have all the answers, but can help you figure out what questions to ask.

My Mom is remarkable. She inspires me as a woman and as a friend. She is surprising and delightful. Full of a spirit I am grateful to inherit. She has taught me to be endlessly amazed and hungry for the world around me. She never stops growing and changing, and this more than anything else pushes me to do the same.

She's a better friend to me than anyone has ever been and that I think is the most we can ask for.

So Happy Birthday Mom

I hope your day is peaceful. I love you.

More Cowbell

2006-06-25T22:20:00.000-05:00

Wow what a weekend! Friday night was great. Drinks were had, mistakes were made, all was forgotten by the light of day...that's all I want to say about that.

Saturday me and my girls met up for the best food EVER at the newly opened Cali and Tito's on Lumpkin by the same peeps who brought us Caliente Cab and Pollo Loco. The food was to die for. I have been seriously jonesn' for their Ceviche (fish cooked only in lime juice) since Pollo closed in March. Then it was off to AthFest X! There was so much cool jewelry, art, and music. Armed with fans and snowcones we lasted longer in the GA heat than I thought we would. We did stay long enough to see the SWEETEST Cowbelling since Will Ferrell graced the small screen impersonating a misguided member of the Blue Oyster Cult.
This kid was rocking it out, I think we even saw some under-leg cowbell action. My only regret is that we never got the band or the cowbeller's name. A mystery for the ages I am sure....
Well after many beers and dinner we called it an early evening. We were all exhausted due to the sun and our previous late night. Everyone, that is, except Alicia who has the energy and unlimited funds of a wealthy teenager, and the tolerance of drink belonging to a 50 year-old alcoholic. Bless her heart.

---Watch tomorrow for a tribute to the coolest Lady I know....but for now

go call someone you keep putting off
finish something you started
and don't forget you always need more cowbell.

2006-06-23T11:18:00.000-05:00

This is our cat. His name is Sesame Chicken. He likes his girls dirty and rough around the edges. He's basically a man whore, but we love him anyway.

Hey welcome to Friday! I am so excited because Friday means one thing around these parts...
DRINKING!!! It's so nice to get everyone together in place and talk and drink. It always reminds me of how transient we are in our 20's the fact that I can get all the people I love in one place once a week is amazing. It's bittersweet too knowing that it can't last soon people will start moving off to start their "real" lives. I personally believe this is it! This is about as real as it gets, and I'll drink to that.

If you like Celeb Gossip with wit and charm check out Pink is the new Blog. Trent rocks! It is the only website I visit daily (and jones for if I can't).

Well I guess I should get off my ass. I really am going to start that exercise regimen I've been thinking about...I'll let you know how it goes.

Have a peaceful day!

2006-06-22T08:52:00.000-05:00

So this is me. Hopefully this blog will be entertaining, informative, and always a little weird. I don't know who will actually read it but I am putting it out here. Let's have fun!